2 Kinds of Excitement, 6 Kinds of Love

We settle for sex when we cannot find love.

Likewise, we settle for the excitement of energy – adrenaline – when we cannot find oxytocin – that quiet but satisfying excitement of knowing we belong.

Adrenaline and oxytocin are the neurotransmitters that make us feel our most important feelings.

POW! The release of adrenaline is easy to trigger. But it takes subtlety to gently release oxytocin.

SPOILER ALERT: Yes, we’re talking about advertising and marketing. We’re talking about selling. We’re talking about building long-term relationships with our friends, our clients, and our customers.

The ancient Greeks had 6 words for love.

Three of them – eros, philia, and agape, were used in the original Greek text of the New Testament:

Eros is erotic love. Adrenaline excitement.

Philia is friendship. That oxytocin-based feeling of connectedness.

Agape is sacrificial love. An oxytocin bond so deep that you will take a bullet for your partner.

The following 3 words for love are not found in the Bible, but they may prove to be of use to us nonetheless:

Ludus is playful love. Banter and repartee. Teasing. Dancing. Ludus is that interesting blend of adrenaline and oxytocin we see in two puppies rolling and tumbling as they play-fight. Ludus is ludicrous. Ridiculous. Restorative.

Philautia is self-love. It is confidence, self-connectedness, being comfortable in your own skin. Those of you that have been to Wizard Academy have heard me say, “Much of what we buy is purchased to remind ourselves – and announce to the world around us – who we are.” This identity reinforcement – “self belonging” – is oxytocin-based, not adrenalin-based. Philautia is a good thing, but too much of this good thing will make you a narcissist.

Pragma is longstanding love. It is the deep understanding that develops between long-married couples. You might think of it as oxytocin that has been aged like fine wine. Brand loyalists have pragma for the brands they promote.

Did you notice that only 2 of the 6 kinds of love – eros and ludus – involve adrenaline?

Eros in advertising is using a girl in a bikini to sell auto parts. Eros in advertising is a billboard showing pretty girls in tight tops serving food in a place called “Hooters.”

I like to believe I’m above doing those sorts of things in ads.

(I’m probably not, but I like to believe I am.)

I like to believe you’re above doing those sorts of things, too.

But I’m definitely not above using ludus, playful love, banter and repartee in advertising. In fact, I’m wildly in favor of it, as are most of the people on earth, if popular movies and TV shows are any indication.

Have you noticed that logic is not a driver in any of the 6 kinds of love?

Wow. That’s scary.

There is something in each of us that desperately needs to believe we are creatures of logic, and that our most important decisions are based on reason, after careful consideration of the facts.

Unfortunately, this has been medically proven not to be the case. In fact, 100% of all decisions require an emotional component.

Without emotion, there can be no decision.1

Without surprise, there can be no delight.

Without you, there can be no Wizard Academy.

Come and see us when you can.

Roy H. Williams